the thing is this

iced tea

tuna salad (and the occasional tuna melt)

soft-boiled eggs

so i’ve been rather lazy about this whole writing thing for the past month or so.  apparently, the first step is admitting that you have a problem.

against my better judgment, i went to the pride parade today. this is mainly because i was bored. it was substantially better than i was expecting it to be yet, at the same time, just as terrible as i had predicted. i shall now give a brief analysis.

pros:

there was even better people watching than i had predicted, and some of these people were even attractive! i started on my latest summer project - a tan. i had the opportunity to randomly scream and blow a whistle. i was able to fill my exercise quotient for the day (i mean month). i saw friends i haven’t seen in months. and yes, clothing was removed (and no one objected - i swear). oh, and it made me feel proud. seriously.

cons:

it was really long. it was really hot. it thundered and poured when the sun wasn’t blazing. many of the participants, including some of the attractive ones, were very annoying. my clothing is still drying. i’m sunburnt (give it a day and it will be olive, not pink). my feet still hurt. i’m exhausted, and i didn’t even get any. then again, i’m also too exhausted to really care.

in conclusion, pride > shame, but anything is better than a parade.

i hate parades of any sort.  they are long and boring.  they are always either too hot or too cold, and you have to stand for hours on end.  plus, i’m never tall enough to see a damn thing.  as someone who was rather auspiciously born under the four-leaf clover on st. patrick’s day, i was subject to many holiday parades as a child.  they were all terrible.

i do, however, have a deeply rooted appreciation for any excuse to be drunk and/or take off my clothing.  i tend not to bother waiting for such an excuse though, so perhaps this is irrelevant.

above all, though, i love people-watching.  it’s essentially the same as writing this blog.  i observe things and then i provide witty commentary concerning them.  with people-watching, however, you don’t need to think of ideas!

oh, and i enjoy shiny objects too.

to conclude, happy pride.

i would like to take this opportunity to share the newest playlist on my ipod with you.  the theme is keeping up my morale (despite the fact that i am between jobs at the moment).  it is particularly useful before interviews.  these are in no particular order, as i am a devoted shuffler.  remixes are indicated when necessary.

1.) the best by tina turner, chosen because i am, in fact, simply the best.

2.) flashdance… what a feeling and flashdance… what a feeling (12″ version) by irene cara, chosen because they say to take your passion and make it happen.  my passion here would be employment.

3.) respect by aretha franklin, chosen because what you want, baby i’ve got it.

4.) bitch by meredith brooks, chosen because of the obvious.

5.) the bitch is back by elton john, please refer to number 4.

6.) dancing queen by abba, chosen because i sometimes enjoy pretending i can dance without looking like i’m having sex and forgot to disrobe first.

7.) faggoty attention by adam joseph, chosen because i heard it for the first time last week and it is rather hilarious.

8.) you gotta be by des’ree, chosen because i gotta be bad, bold, wiser, hard, tough, stronger, cool, and calm, and stay together in order that i don’t completely fall apart and commit a felony.

9.) finally and finally (7″ choice mix) by cece peniston, chosen in the hopes that i will finally be employed once again, and because cece peniston has penis in her name.

10.) get on your feet by gloria estefan, chosen because it reminds me to get out of bed.

11.) get the party started by dame shirley bassey, chosen because dame shirley bassey is both a dame and a pimp.

12.) glamorous by fergie, chosen (despite the meth) because being broke is rather un-glamorous and being rich is rather glamorous, when done properly anyway.

13.) i’m so excited by the pointer sisters, chosen because it nurtures certain manic tendencies i sometimes display.

14.) let’s hear it for the boy by deniece williams, chosen because it sounds a great deal like “let’s hear it for the beres” (which would make a damn good song).

15.) maniac by michael sembello, chosen because it gets my heartbeat going without me paying 50 dollars for a gram.

16.) moving on up by m people, chosen because leaving one job is a great opportunity to move on up to a better one.

17.) servin’ it up by peppermint gummibear, chosen because it motivates me to be the sassiest waiter i can be (without being in drag).

18.) she works hard for the money by donna summer, chosen because being a waiter and being a hooker have many things in common.  i will refer to these things as “singing for one’s supper”.

i feel better already, and i hope you do too.

the thing about meth is this: i don’t want to lose all of my teeth, get aids, or look like fergie.  let me now analyze these things about meth further.

the first thing about meth is the loss of teeth.  i have always found this to be a rather trashy look that very few can pull off.  furthermore, i didn’t wear braces as a schoolboy for nothing.  premature gray is one thing (that thing being glamorous) but premature dentures are quite another (that thing being very very unfortunate).

the second thing about meth is the acquired immune deficiency syndrome.  let me break this one down a bit more.  meth tends to lead to the loss of inhibitions.  the loss of inhibitions tends to lead to sex without a condom.  sex without a condom tends to lead to infection with hiv.  particularly in manhattan, rising rates of hiv infection have been linked with an increase in meth use.  it is true that aids is “no longer a death sentence” (usually), but it is still rather less than ideal.  by rather less than ideal, i mean to say that it is extremely high on my list of things to avoid.  lately, the aids medication advertisement i have been seeing the most of puts forth the claim that with drug x, you will not be doomed to spend your days on the toilet.  while i salute such innovation, it makes one wonder about the rest of these drugs.  personally, i have no desire to be on the toilet anymore than is absolutely necessary.  this is one of many reasons why being infected with hiv is not on my to do list.  you can find more in the columbia university handbook on hiv and aids.

the third thing about meth is fergie.  she peed in her pants while on stage.  dear fergie, you can pay to fix your meth face, but you can’t pay to erase the fact that you peed in your pants on stage.  i think that covers that.

also, let us consider the fact that meth was hitler’s drug of choice.  this also places it on my list of things not to do, along with genocide and the moustache.

any questions?

looking for a job is the worst job you’ll ever have.

i can always tell when you lie to me about food allergies.  allergic to parsley, i’m sure.  don’t even try.  call a spade a spade and just say you don’t like parsley.  the result will be the same, but you won’t have sacrificed your integrity.  honesty is the new noir, after all.  do keep me posted regarding legit allergies though.  i don’t want you to blow up like a balloon or anything like that.

and while we’re at it, the reason that menus have words on them is so that one can know what one is about to eat.  take advantage of this and actually read the menu, rather than getting uppity when you discover that there is x in y.

with all the recent talk of small plates and tapas and such, one thing has been ignored.  even with me working at a restaurant that is known for their small plates and with me recovering from having worked at a restaurant that wants to be known for their small plates, it has still been ignored.  i have finally figured it out.  small plates and nibbles are the same thing.  i’m not sure why this didn’t occur to me sooner.

all hail the george foreman grill!